Have women redeemed themselves yet? Are we still down on women being too emotional, lacking self-worth, and being just plain old mad about everything? That still may be the case for some, but not for all women. Undoubtedly, many women have fallen prey to low self-esteem, lack of self-worth, and those yucky feelings of not being beautiful enough according to the world’s standards. But, have you checked out the next generation of women? Wow! This next generation of young women is simply taking the time to empower other women to succeed. Moreover, these powerful strong women empowering others have become independent thinkers, entrepreneurs, wives, and mothers. 

The next generation is becoming so self-sufficient. They are giving traditional women a run for their title. These women are finding ways to impact their families while still maintaining a career, starting online businesses, homeschooling their children, and keeping their man happy. The days of traditional motherhood are long gone, but, not obsolete. However, it’s no longer a featured role. But it’s a role that is still desired among some women. 

I’ve discovered the next generation of women are boldly raising their voices louder to create change around themselves and others. Their voices appear to be changing the attitudes and the trajectory of how they are perceived as gender equality, equal pay, and sexual abuse. More importantly, the world is watching the next generation of women as they are moving the needle in science and demanding better healthcare for mothers’ who’ve decided to have careers outside of the home.

So get ready! The next generation of women is not coming. They’re here. 

They are providing resources and tools for women to be successful spiritually, mentally, and physically. These entrepreneurs have started businesses in mental health, substance and domestic abuse, marital and adolescent counseling, and a plethora of other resources. Women have to stop making those excuses “we’re not good enough or, she’s so much smarter than me”

You’re not alone. Those feelings have haunted all of us at some time or another. But the difference between you and the next generation of women. They have decided to make a change. 

In short, if you don’t help yourself. Don’t expect anyone to come along and do the work for you. Nothing comes easy. You have to put in the work to get the expected results you desire to see. 

In the meantime, take a moment and ask yourself these questions. How you answer these questions will determine if you’re ready to make a change. Unfortunately, if you can’t answer the questions honestly, you will not be a part of the next generation of women that are making impactful differences. 

Questions: How well would you say you know yourself? What makes you the woman you are today? Do you have a purpose in life? If so, what is it? Do you know what makes you happy or the things you want out of life?

After you have answered these questions, please share your responses with me. I would love to hear your thoughts and how you plan to make a difference. As you are answering the questions, please don’t waste your time making excuses. Either you know the answers or not. To be fair, these questions may take you a few minutes or even a day to process some of your answers. So take your time.

In my opinion, transition is hard. It’s not fun nor easy. 

If so, more people would do it. 

It’s a journey; a lonely one at that. 

Again, don’t forget to share your responses.

Now that you have made the decision to be a part of the next generation of women empowering other women to succeed. I’m equally excited you’ll be taking the time to empower other women who feel “they’re not good enough or smart enough.”

Luke 22:32 says, “But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.”

When we come through our challenging times, we are suppose to return to get someone else. That’s what the next generation of women are doing. After they have been converted, they return to get another women.

How awesome is that?

For this reason, when we pray we are strengthened, and therefore, can obtain courage to lean-in to other possibilities that are before us. Just imagine what our world would look like if we all decided to be clustered with that next generation of women empowering other women to succeed.  

Don’t throw-away your confidence. All hope is not lost…It’s going to happen. I can see it unfolding before my eyes. 

Now, to the women that are not feeling “good enough or smarter enough.” 

Stop! Take a step back and ask yourself “Why am I feeling this way?” Don’t start blaming others for the traps that were set for you during your childhood and adolescent years. At this point, if you want to be a part of the next generation of women, the movement starts now. 

The traps that were created for you. They’re real. It happened. But you can’t allow those excuses to continue to hold you hostage. You deserve a life of peace and tranquility.

Also, this next generation of women has dispelled the notion of making other women feel inferior when they are down. They’re using their energy to empower other women and giving them the tools they need to “lean-in” to support other women, as business leaders and entrepreneurs.

A successful female entrepreneur once said to me, “Men may not like each other, but they’ll still promote each other. A woman will write off another woman because she doesn’t like her shoes.” An oversimplification (maybe), but I get her point.

Recently, I was standing in line at a grocery store and I overheard two women verbally tearing apart a couple of women within their social circle. I was taken aback by the harsh bitter comments that were being made about them. Then, I was reminded of a situation I stumbled upon in a classroom. A few teachers were having a bitter harsh conversation about me.

At that moment, I too was taken aback, but I also wondered. Why didn’t those teachers have a conversation with me about their feelings? Too often as women, we take the low-road, we have conversations with other women we have no clue about.

Fortunately, I stood at the classroom door to get an ear full. After listening to the women, I called a close friend and she reminded me about how women have treated her over the years. In her words, “Girls and women are just messy and cruel; they are too emotional and won’t take the time to support you. But will remain unafraid to address the issues that are bothering them.” Being retired now, I can confidently say that the women I’ve worked with over the years have more critical views of other women they know or have been around.

So, I get it.

That successful female entrepreneur in my opinion was absolutely correct. Men will help and support each other before a women will. Because women struggle with promoting each other in ways they have the power to.

Most women will tell you that they have encountered at least one or two hard-to-get-along-with-women in their past and that hard-to-get-along-with-women dismissed them, put them down, or socially tormented them if they were a part of the same social clique. 

Even though hard-to-get-along-with-women still exist today, it shouldn’t hinder us from being a part of the next generation of women empowering other women. What we’ve experienced should only drive us to make it happen for other women that are struggling. 

If we want gender equality in the workplace and beyond, we have to stop dodging each other and start talking about real issues, restrain from making harsh comments and bullying other women. The heart of the next generation of women is about supporting women to achieve positive results — and that support needs to come from both men and women alike. 

As revealed, some women’s behavior will never change. We should make sure that we are not a part of the problem, but the solution. Subsequently, I have had more encounters with women who are amazing leaders and have been very supportive of other women excelling in the workforce and other areas of life. These women are often the most successful and represent the kinds of examples we need to set for other women to follow.

In conclusion, this is where we find ourselves, at these crossroads. We can’t deny that we’ve seen too often other women being critical of one another. Experts say that in comparing ourselves to others, we are only creating scenarios that make us feel inferior. So in choosing not to compare yourself to other women, you’ll be choosing to support your own well-being and mindset, which eventually puts you in a better position to support other women.

Sheryl Sandberg got it partially right. “We need to lean in — but not just to our work. It’s time to lean into each other.”

This is easier said than done. As women, we have to put our misconceptions about each other and the inferior complexes we have about ourselves aside. When other women approach us to gossip or badmouth another woman. Take the high-road. Don’t participate. Keep your mouth shut. You’ll be glad you didn’t in the long run.

On the other hand, if you’re a woman dealing with some deep funk, finding a group of women to lean-in to would be an exceptional way to start healing. 

Deep funk happens and it usually makes us feel alone. It appears those dark clouds hovering over us will never go away and the light will never shine in our direction again. 

Hang on. It will. Just be willing to “lean-in.”

It’s important for you to lean on your support system and to make sure your support system can help you navigate through those feelings of loneliness. As you’re navigating through the funk, you’ll be able to examine where you are and how you plan to get through this season of difficulty. 

Don’t just go through it, but grow through it. 

Furthermore, you don’t want this difficult time of feeling alone to murmur and complain about what you don’t have.

If so, 

Your deepest hurts and past mistakes will return to haunt you. So keep your support group available to listen to you, to reassure you, and to help you put things into perspective. We can’t see our good when we are alone. We need someone to help us consider our situation at a different angle. 

It’s not always easy to ask or to reach out to people when we feel vulnerable and alone. If that’s the case, you should seek counseling to help you find peace and balance.  

Moreover, as you are seeking the help you need. Take the time to jot down the areas you dislike about yourself so you can target those areas later. As you are jotting down areas of dislike, keep the list short so you don’t become overwhelmed with insignificant issues.

Every issue is important, but you can’t work through everything overnight. Only, what’s haunting you. 

Recently, I’ve been talking to a young lady about her relationship with an older man. It appeared everything was going well up until a few weeks ago. He’s a truck driver so the relationship is quite unique. They don’t get the opportunity to see each other daily, like most couples. Nevertheless, they agreed it works for them. 

He has stopped calling and taking her calls. They use to check in with each other throughout the day. But it’s nothing going on between them.

After several days of not hearing from him…

Her first response to me was “I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m not good enough! Why can’t I find someone who cares about me?” 

Remember that?

That right there, is usually where we start the process of being down on ourselves, and that deep funk from our past haunts us. As women, we automatically think that there is something wrong with us. But could it be that something is wrong with him? 

Let’s be clear. God did not create us with feelings of inadequacy. Life experiences and the trauma we’ve gone through have created that sense of not being good or smarter enough.

Clearly, as women, our emotions have allowed us to process how childhood trauma has affected how we feel about ourselves. Therefore, those feelings of “not being good or smart enough” is an unintended result of the environment we grew up in. 

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:10

Scriptures to support–you are good and smart enough!

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you…” – Exodus 3:11-12a

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. – 1 John 3:1 

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. – 1 Peter 2:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

How To Lean On Your Support System When You’re In A Funk

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

This doesn’t always come easy for us because we want to work things out for ourselves, especially, those private things. But take the time to look back on how many times you tried to work something out, and how successful you were? If your track record is not favorable, you should reach out to someone and seek help.  

Most of us put ourselves on the back-burner before asking someone to help us. We recognize that other individuals are busy and they have their own lives to live. So we don’t want to bother them with our affairs. On the contrary, they’re your friends, you should be able to reach out to them when you are hurting. 

I suggest shooting them a text to tell them how you feel so they can come to your rescue. 

Be honest with them.

Be honest with your friends about what is wrong and what you need them to do. This can be the hardest part because the deep funk you’re in has created feelings of loneliness. Sometimes it’s impossible to know what you need in this state of mind. Despite this, you should encourage your friends to come over to talk with you and in some cases cry along with you.

Personally, let me encourage you to remain at home to work through the realities of your feelings at first. Be direct and kind to yourself. Don’t wallow in the matters you have no control over. But remember, keep your friends near and inform them of what’s going on with you.

Remind yourself that this is what friends are for.

I cannot stress this enough–being there for someone does not just mean being there for them in the good times. It’s about being there in bad times as well. You are friends because you care about them, and vice versa, they care about you. True friends want you to be happy, even in the midst of your deep funk. Real friends don’t leave you alone during times of loneliness. 

No one can handle everything. 

Have you ever been in a place where you thought you could handle everything? I thought as a woman it was my role to take care of everything If you threw an obstacle my way, I was ready to take care of it. I didn’t want to appear weak or agile. But, I quickly learned, it was going to be impossible for me to operate in this role for the rest of my life. 

So I gave that fixing everything mindset up and began turning things over to the Lord. Yes! It was just too much to deal with alone. Since giving things over to God, my life has been pleasant. I didn’t say perfect. But pleasant. I’ve learned to process how I should work through the issues that come to make me feel I’m not good or smarter enough.

Know that this is not one-sided.

Don’t feel like you’re along. You have friends and relatives that have gone through tough times and they have come out alright. Call them up. You need their strength and possibly their resources to get you through the deep funk you’re facing. Again, don’t put yourself in isolation, connect with them as much as you can. 

You have a way out.

One point you should learn from this post: there is a way out. You can live the moments of your life in peace rather than feeling not good or smart enough and full of fear.  

Use these tools to help you seek the relief you deserve. Then, you’ll end up smack-dab in the middle of your happiness unapologetic about making the decision to confront real change. The wellbeing you have always desired is available and possible for you.   

Relax and be still.

The next generation of women is waiting to empower you to succeed. Learn how you can support other women today at leanin.org/together

Check out this Blog: Why Women Need to Start Supporting Other Women at Work

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