Have you ever read a chapter in a book and it speaks directly to you? But, even more treasured, God has already confirmed what was spoken in the chapter before you read it. That’s exactly what happened with Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. Let’s take a closer look at the best self-worth advice you’re not taking.

I started “The Book Club” a couple of years ago because I believe that there are so many resources in books that we can all learn from. And, simply put, there are much better experts at writing books and topics besides me. So, why not? 

However, ‘The Book Club’ started with a group of amazing women from my church, and we met every month. We would meet for hours getting lost in our tears, hugs, and above all in the book topic for that was to revelant to our lives. We left refreshed, revived and connected. 

Over the past couple of months, my drive to stay connected all month and to take ‘The Book Club’ to another level has been worth my push. Yes! It’s been a push. I feel encouraged and driven to pray and lead their spiritual restoration.

The push has created a revival that I never want to end. 

Also, can I be honest? I’ve been teaching so many topics for so many years, but none like self-worth. No! No! Stop… I’m not talking about being down in the dumps or having self-esteem issues. I have truly found out my own respect and what I deserve. 

Period! 

Consequently, I can honestly say that this has been the best epiphany I’ve had in a long time. I have many, but none like I’ve had over the past weeks. I’ve left my own self speechless and have spoken boldly about the things I will and won’t tolerate. 

Wooo-wwweee! It’s been invigorating to say the least. It has also helped me to regain a purpose for ‘The Book Club’ and where I want other women to be. Simply put, not lying to themselves. It’s not worth it over time. 

And, guess what? 

Our gathering this month [November] and the chapter we read spoke directly to every woman that joined our group. The conversation left us all in a place of self-reflection and being vurnerable to each others needs.

In addition to this, we dialogued about a young lady constantly giving herself over to a man that didn’t love her. And she lost her way and self-worth when she could not win him over, even after giving him her body. 

In short, she was last in his life for years and their relationship finally resulted in the ugly truth: “I was a booty call.” She drove to his house every single night he asked her to and she pretended that it didn’t gut her when he wouldn’t acknowledge her during the day. 

She made excuses for him. 

With this in mind, you can clearly see why the topic was so engaging. 🧐

Yes!!! I could go on-and-on about what we all experienced and how it hit home. Like. It. Really. Hit. Home for many of us. Speaking of our personal experiences shifted the conversation in such a profound way because we’ve all experienced giving ourselves to ‘things’ that have drained us of the life that we deserve. 

“Who are you?” That question would come through the pain and search for self-worth… But during our discussion, we discovered it was the wrong question to ask. The issue wasn’t who we were; the problem was not knowing who we had allowed ourselves to become.

We all pinpointed where we lost our personal self-worth–knowing what we’ve allowed ourselves to become. 

Nonetheless, we noted that it was great getting to the point where we couldn’t live one more day without self-respect and what we deserved and desired. We vowed we would no longer stay in a situation that wasn’t going to serve our purpose and value us as women. Choosing to walk away, even if it meant breaking our own heart, was really saving our heart. We believe it was our greatest act of self-love and self-worth we could have ever accessed. 

Today, I echo that so many women have become versions of themselves they aren’t happy with. However, the women that joined ‘The Book Club.’ had survived the mistakes and the sacrifices they made to giving over their self-worth. Our convictions proved us to be stronger and better because of the situations we allowed to happen to us.

Every day we’re choosing who we are and what we believe about ourselves, and we’re setting the standards for the relationships we want to have in our lives. Every day is a chance to start over with grasping our self-worth and self-love.

In the book, Girl Wash Your Face, Rachel gives us 3 things that (would have) helped her maintain her self-worth and self-love. I strongly believe they will help you too.

A sounding board.

When she walked through the season, she didn’t have any close friends or mentors who could advise her. She believed that was a missing component. Speaking to someone wiser, she might have become more aware sooner of how unhealthy her relationship was. We have to be careful any time the only voice of advice is our own. It’s difficult to see things or judge a situation when we’re in love.

Being prepared.

When you children are old enough, tell them the story. It may not paint the prettiest picture for either parent, but it’s good for children to learn from the mistakes that you’ve made. Learning to be less naive and knowing more about self-respect and what she deserved would have allowed her to see the relationship for what it was. 

Someone else’s shoes.

If we tell the story of our relationship–good and the bad–would there be more good or more bad? If a friend or a stranger heard about your relationship, and you walked them through all the stuff that was hurting you, do you think they would want to shake you until your teeth rattled? Now, imagine someone else describing your relationship to you. Would they say your relationship is healthy? If the answer is no, or if you even have to question it, I beg you to take a deeper look at that relationship and all the relationships in your life.

In conclusion, for those of you that are struggling with self-worth or any facet of your life:  Image. Your appearance. What you’ve done. Mistakes you made. And now you’ve started considering your age in life and you’re looking around at yourself saying to God… “It just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen.” 

Let me encourage your heart to say… “Strive anyway!” God is not concerned about what those ashes look like [your past]. The hurt. The pain. The broken relationships. And y’all know that the list goes on-and-on for us. 

I have never professed to have the perfect SMILE and nor did I always have the perfect outfit. But, I strived to gain my self-worth. Every day. Fact: I knew that beauty always comes from ashes. The Faithful Version: “ To appoint to those who mourn in Zion, giving to them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the mantle of praise for the spirit of heaviness; so that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3.

I plead with you today to step into your greater. Fact: You can’t find your self-worth in someone else. At last, I’ve learned that. I struggled with finding my self-worth in so many other things. But, I really found self-worth when I started doing me and being my own self-coach and prayer warrior. 

My self-worth was found when I looked in the mirror and spent time with me and discovered what made me happy and brought me self-peace. 

You can win in your situation. You can change your trajectory. God doesn’t have any favorites. Similarly, I used to think that He did because I felt like He favored other people’s marriage, children and dreams over mine. I’m here to tell you He doesn’t. He has favored you. 

Go get’em. Strive!